It's Just A Water Bottle

How often does God do something for us and we just don't even notice? Do we look for Him in the everyday things? I often tell my kids that God wants us to talk to Him about EVERYTHING. Even those things that seem so small that you figure He wouldn't care anyway because He has pretty important things to worry about. Like the world. So Lately I have been working to put this into practice. Driving around in a parking lot that is full and waiting for a spot. When someone finally leaves instead of thinking how we wish it had been faster, we tell God thanks for providing a spot, it's even more exciting when it's shaded! I want to show the kids how God works in all things. These last couple of weeks I failed in this area. The quarter was ending and we knew there was limited space on base for staff. Since our school has just ended, I was really nervous they would tell us we needed to find a place off base, yet nothing had opened up yet that we could afford. When they told us they had room I was SO relieved. Then they told me which room. And I failed. I was upset. It was exactly where I was hoping they would not put us. The building that I was sure had no breeze, just from looking at it. The room was dirty. (It had been unoccupied for quite some time), and most of all, we would have to do a lot of work to get over there.
So here I was praying God would provide a place for us to stay on base, and then I turned around and threw it back in His face. UGH. I feel terrible just thinking about it. After venting and sharing a bunch of my childish attitude. I started cleaning the room where we would be staying. Through coffee and cleaning God started working on my heart and I began to see all of the good things about the new room. New sink, new shower, the sun doesn't pound into the windows in the afternoon, better mattresses, the parking lot is closer, and BEST of all, we are over an office. That means at night when the kids want to jump around. It's fine!! Truly we upgraded, and now that I can see it, I am so grateful. I just wish I would have looked for the good  in the beginning.

Now this issue, is not nearly as pressing as a place to live. Not at all. But I went to God with it anyway. I like to have a water bottle by my bed. One with a straw! I had one like this but Alinah ended up braking it and I was pretty bummed. Do I buy another? Nah. We have a bunch of cups I should really just use those. But I'm actually lazy enough that I hate to sit up when I am thirsty at night and I inevitably ended up getting kind of wet because I'd try to lazily sip it without doing any work. This is a trivial thing. And I could have just bought a water bottle but I kept thinking it was just too silly that I didn't want to use a cup, so I just waited. Nathaniel had a day off the other day and we went to the small county fair on the other side of the island. Lo and behold, one of the prizes we won at the Geico booth where the kids spun a wheel, was a water bottle! With a straw! I knew God was taking care of the little things. Even though it was silly, it was something I really wanted.
Don't just go to Him with the big things. Go to Him with ALL things. I'm not saying you'll just start getting free stuff. Just know that He cares about all of the details. Maybe He is already working on some things and you just haven't realized it was Him yet. I could have easily passed off the water bottle as a coincidence, but I love thinking of it as a little gift. Don't just say thank you for the big things... Say thank for you for even the smallest.

And So I Will Dwell....

Almost a month has gone by since my last post, and so much has built up in my heart I don't really know where to begin...
This month I have been learning about dwelling places. Too much to get into details but there have been struggles this month and personally I have been struggling back and forth with things and taking on the impossible task of a wrestling match with God. My spirit feels a little bruised and tired but the outcome was not a body slam into the ground like you would maybe expect, but instead a sheltering, loving hug from my Heavenly Father. Isn't that just how it is wrestling with children? You roll around on the floor with them, they get their energy out and see how strong they can be and if they can overtake you, so you play along for a little while. When you decide it's been enough, more often than not that wrestling match turns into a hug.
I had to get that energy, frustration, and confusion out. Even though I knew I could never win, I still needed to wrestle and ask why. Instead of telling me why, God pulled me in closer to him and reminded me to praise. The song that WOULD NOT LEAVE MY HEAD?
"Your praise will, ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips, your praise will, ever be on my lips..."
Hint maybe? So I praise. I find things to be grateful for. Like songs that God puts in my head to remind me, or to minister to me. I'm grateful for my kids, for my husband, for God's provision. So that even when my heart is hurting over loss, and the tears run down my face, I don't have to stay there. My lesson this month has been not to dwell in the pain. To not stay there, because the longer I do, the harder it is to get out of it. It says in Psalm 91: 1-2
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust!"
Picking up my tent stakes and make my dwelling in His shelter. Such a secure camping spot. When the storm is raging all around me, I am safe.
If you ever get sick of my sharing songs... Sorry not sorry! Music is something I am so, so, thankful to have. The other day I heard a beautiful song on the radio called, Thy Will, by Hillary Scott. This song was written by Hillary after she experienced a miscarriage and this song shows that beautiful struggle so well. The back and forth of hurt and pain, but yet knowing God's truth and speaking it over the situation. I could feel the emotions in the song because even though I wasn't going through the same thing she was, the emotions were the same. So I am choosing to dwell in Him. Even when I don't understand everything, I will place my trust in the One who's ways are higher than my ways.

Thy Will, by Hillary Scott - Music Video

Thy Will

I’m so confused
I know I heard You loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of Your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know You’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know You think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all Your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that You’re God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know You see me
I know You hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness You have in store
I know You hear me
I know You see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness You have in store
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know You see me
I know You hear me, Lord
_____________________________________________________

The Lights, The Lights, The Lights...

Most of the time when I get ready to write a blog, I have some alone time with God (usually while doing dishes or going somewhere because I am a multi-tasker to a fault), and that inspires me to pour some of the overflow of my heart through my keyboard and onto... the internet? Yes. Onto this blog. Why? Because it helps me to process and remember things better. Also because many times I have read someone's blog and been inspired, moved, or motivated, just by their everyday life. So I pay it forward.
Also to help keep me inspired. I often have some dessert and a glass of milk next to me. I'll grab that in a sec. Sugar keeps me going. Haha.
So yesterday marked the nine year anniversary of when my husband and I got married. Many people go on a romantic date on their anniversary. We didn't. Instead we packed the kids up and drove 2 hours to the other side of the island and spent the day in Hilo! The free zoo there was fun and after lunch we went to a little place called Coconut Island. You walk over on a foot bridge and there is a very small island with areas to swim. Afterwords we walked around in a beautiful garden that had MANY mosquitoes. It was over all a very good day. My favorite part though was on the way back. The road that goes across the island is called Saddle Road and reaches an elevation of 6,600 feet. You go up, up, up... and then come back down. On this road is where  you can access the visitors center and the observatory on the dormant volcano; Mauna Kea. (The Tallest mountain in the world).
Let me paint the picture for you.
All three kids are asleep in the back seat, We see the last of the sun go down behind the mountains and it's light disappears. We are out in the middle of nowhere on this road that has no street lights, and we have Coldplay playing softly.
The stars were AMAZING. If we thought our little wind up car could have climbed the hill we would have gone to the observatory, but even from our car we could see the stars so well. Beautiful.
I could have looked at them forever. It just blows your mind to see the heavens and how amazing they are. Two feelings went through me. First I felt so small and insignificant, and He felt SO BIG.
How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? PSALM 8:1,3-4

Then I felt... so loved. Who am I that He is mindful of me? But He IS. Who am I that He would speak to me? But He DOES. Because of Him, I am significant. This meme that  you see popping up all over Facebook, just became so real for me. Sometimes we desperately need to go somewhere new and gain fresh perspective on life. I had become so stuck in my little world that I lost sight of the big picture. I am so grateful for the beauty of creation that is always testifying to the greatness of it's Creator. 
'

Making this House a Home

"Mommy, where is my home?"

A while back, while visiting a friend, Kaleigh asked them, "Is this your home?"

"Yes it is!" My friend replied. "Where is your home?"

My daughter's eyes glossed over with confusion, and she looked at me. "Mommy, where is my home?"

My heart hurt a little to hear her ask this. I know it's confusing. We have moved every six months for the past two years. 

"Home is wherever your family is. So right now, our home is with your Grandma and Grandpa Wells!" She seemed satisfied with this answer and went on to play with her little friends. 

Home is where your family is. Wherever God has called you to be. But part of my job as mom and wife is to make wherever we are, feel like home. I have little roll up beds for the kids that my friend from church made, we take those everywhere so they have the same bed anywhere we are. Certain toys we bring with, to help it feel more like home. It's the little things. 

I should have taken a before picture of our apartment, with our suitcases and things in piles and disarray . But that would have truly been embarrassing. Instead I took pictures four days later after I finally got all the suitcases unpacked and things tidied up. Ha! That only took me forever! By now the jet lag is starting to wear off and Gideon actually slept through the night. (Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!). We have had one staff meeting in preparation for the school beginning this week. Wednesday Nathaniel will go to look at a van, and we are settling in. This studio apartment with a loft is beginning to feel like home and it's wonderful. Who knows how long we will be here since we are keeping our eye open for places to rent off campus, just in case. But for now, we are happy and content, and ready to make the trek down the hill to the beach. Alinah's first time! 

For a girl who lived in the same home with her family for about 10 years, it was an adjustment to move around so much. We adapt and change and I'm learning how to do this quickly and in every circumstance. 

Here is quick tour of our apartment :). 

My reminder to myself after a long four days of being jet-legged and much to short with my poor family!! 

Terror In their Eyes

These last couple of weeks here have been filled with rain, and even thunderstorms. For me, this has been wonderful because it brings some relief from the intense heat and sun beating down on you! During the day, a thunderstorm is great fun for the kids but night time is a different story...for G. I remember as a child being terrified of thunderstorms. I'd often end up crawling into my parent's bed and then I would feel safe again. K has no such worries, she just sleeps. But one night after everyone was asleep, about 10:30 P.M. or so, there was a bright flash of lightning and right away a LOUD crack of thunder. As soon as I saw the lightning I sat up waiting for the thunder that would come, and figuring they would both wake up. K stayed asleep but poor G (2 1/2 yrs. old) leaped out of his bed. The light was just right so that I could look in his eyes and see pure terror. It was heart wrenching. Nathaniel grabbed him and quickly snuggled him and I sat there and thought about it for a minute. In this situation, it later would become something cute and kind of funny. And it has. But I started thinking about so many children right now who have real terror in their eyes because of horrible things that are happening. As a parent, to watch your child be scared is such a sad thing and you automatically want to protect them and make it all better. In our situation we could, easily bring G into our bed and let him feel safe and know nothing bad was going to happen. But right now all over the world things are happening that so many parents have to watch their children be terrified, and there is nothing they can do.
It must be breaking their hearts into the tiniest pieces.
I cried that night for those parents and those kids. I cried today for them. (I just cry a lot in general these days). I watched a video of the refugees coming out of Syria and Iraq and being turned away at the borders of Europe. The scared and crying faces of the children just tear your heart in two. The helplessness that the parents, siblings, and grandparents must feel, is heartbreaking. I can't imagine being in their places. It was so eye opening for me to see that terror on G's face, it was just a glimpse of what it's like for other kids and parents in this world. Specifically I felt to pray for those refugees. How would it feel to think you were taking your children somewhere safe, only to be turned away right back into the terror you are fleeing? No where to go? I pray for them. I hope you pray for them too. I found a great article with many different options for ways to help these people. How to help the people who are there helping them. I will share it here.
Click HERE to read more about how to help the refugees!
We are blessed. So blessed to live where we do. I have never known the terror that these  people have face, and some are facing daily. I don't want to take that for granted.

My friend's husband, Steve Schallert is a very gifted song writer/musician and this song of his has been running through my head and my heart and become my prayer.

Jesus 
God of the poor 
Liberator 
Friend of the weak 

Jesus 
Light of the world 
These weary bones 
Tremble and weep 

Heal every heart 
Heal every soul 
Heal the violence we carry 
The blood in the soil 

There is blood in the soil!

A Song Of Lamentation - Steve Schallert

Rivers of living water...Let us not grow weary

So I am quickly learning that with each pregnancy, I get more emotional. I notice it worsening with each child. Maybe I shouldn't have a lot of kids! Hahaha. But today I was thinking back on last week until today, and it dawned on me how great God was at taking care of me. After the Thursday meeting, two Thursdays ago, I was so happy and pumped up for God. Things had gone so well with the kids playing quietly that I could actually soak in the message and enjoy worship and I felt so refreshed. Then the weekend hit and it was just hard. No particular reason exactly, just a bunch of things all together. My hip has been hurting badly and I'm not able to get to a chiropractor until we get back to WI, that has been frustrating. My Aunt is in the hospital, not doing well so of course I'm worried and sad. Also the kids just seemed to hit a bumpy spot with their attitudes and behavior so that didn't help. Plus it was SO HOT! Ok, let me rephrase that; me and my big pregnant self are SO HOT.
So it just ended up being a kind of hard weekend. I didn't even realize it until at worship the following Monday morning the leader upfront said how he had experienced a very difficult weekend. He felt that after such a great moment on Thursday, the spiritual attack from the enemy had come down really hard on the weekend and he said for those of us that felt that same way, to raise your hand and the people around you would pray for you.
I have been avoiding people praying for me. I know that sounds dumb but with my hormones always putting me on the verge of tears, and how much I really don't like crying in public, I have been avoiding it. So prideful.
I snuck my hand up because I needed prayer. The kids and I were tucked in a corner and I was on floor with them trying to keep them occupied and as they wiggled around my hand quickly came back down and I figured I'd pray about it later (rolls my eyes) and deal with them now.
Well God knew I needed prayer no matter how prideful I was going to be about it and a man came up to me and said, he had seen my hand go up and asked if he could pray for me. Yes. Oh brother, tears already. I just said it had been a very stressful weekend. As he prayed for me tears just poured down my cheeks and G sat in my lap kind of worried about me. I definitely needed that. At the end of the prayer he said that my kids were great and I said I had been really blessed.
"Also a lot of great parenting I'm sure." He said. It was a sweet encouragement.

I have learned this week that God knows our love languages better than anyone else. One of my main languages is words of affirmation. Not that I run around fishing for compliments (at least I hope I don't!) but as much as I feel a bit awkward when someone says something to me and I'm often not sure how to respond correctly, it is like balm to my soul.
Different times during this past week people have stopped me to say how great of a mom they thought I was, or how well I was doing with my husband being so busy...
I'M NOT SAYING THIS TO BOAST. You may not believe me since I already admitted to having a pride issue. But this doesn't happen all the time. I don't have people say things like that to me everyday, far from it. I'm saying this to show how much God cares and looks after the little things. It was very specific to this week and God knowing what I needed. Whether it was a single person who said they really admired what I was doing or a fellow mom saying I was doing great, each time it was God giving me words of affirmation that he knew would be healing to me. Amazingly it took me until today to really see it. Today one of Nathaniel's leaders asked me about what would be best for their shooting schedule for me and the kids. I was able to ask that Nathaniel not be busy (if possible) when I worked at the boutique. I knew it might not be an option, and I told him if not, that it was ok. But just the fact that he cared enough to ask and to show that he valued our family and he said he knew it must be hard just with the kids all day, meant a lot to me.
And then I realized God had been watering my heart. Renewing my purpose. One of my friends recently told me that she felt God telling her that moms are rivers of living water in their homes. Not that they CAN be, but that they ARE. Even if we don't feel like it. This week God was raining his love down into my river of living water that had been feeling a little dry. He filled it back up. I am so thankful for how He deals with our hearts.
I have been more consciously leaving my Ipod at home, or in my stroller or whatever so that I can be FULLY in the moment with my kids. Helping K with the monkey bars, push the kids on the swing, encourage G to count every step, so he learns his numbers. I had so many precious moments today when I looked into their faces and they were just radiating love. I keep trying to memorize their faces how they are right now. The expressions they make, the funny phrases they say, or things they do. I wish I could record it all or get pictures of everything. I want to really have these moments imprinted on my mind as they get older. As the training gets more complicated, as they get more independent. It seems so overwhelming at times.
I'm so thankful that God poured love into me this past week. I'm thankful that I finally realized it and can now embrace it. This verse came to my mind tonight:
Galatians 6:9 (ESV)
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

I'm not giving up. Who could give up on these cuties??

Tender Care

1 Thessalonians 5:14 - 19 (NLT)
'Brothers and sister, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. '

Another mommy blog. I read this and I see some simple instructions for me as a mom, as a wife. Do I warn my kids when they are being lazy? Or do I let them stay lazy? Nathaniel pointed out to me how much I was just carrying G around or pushing G and K around in the stroller. Not that it's bad to carry your kids but really the cafeteria is right by our house and it's good for them to get some walking in. Especially as the baby is coming soon and it just makes my hip hurt to carry G or push the stroller. I can cheer them on as they march up the steps to go eat and say what a great job they are doing. Kids feel accomplishment when they achieve something. Am I encouraging then when they are scared to do something? To stand up when they need to? Am I being patient with them? (NO!) Am I teaching them to be patient? (Hard to learn if they don't have a good example). Teach them to do good in all situations even when evil has been done to them? We get to practice this one a lot lately. Not that the kids here are evil, but kids are kids and don't always do the nicest things to each other, and I need to show them how to respond. Always be joyful! When I was morning sick and felt so gross I tried to still model being joyful even when I didn't feel good. An easy thing to practice in a community, because you get lots of opportunities. Every meal time, when I would feel awful I would work hard to still greet people with a smile and wave. I want my kids to learn to do the same. I encourage them to smile back at all the nice people that think they are so cute and love to say hi to them. I want them to be courteous. It can really make a persons day having a little kid smile big and greet them.
Never stop praying... Oh that still needs work. Always a work in progress. Also being thankful in all circumstances.

But one that really struck me was to not stifle the Holy Spirit. Oh I remember when I was single, or married with no kids and when I would pray and ask to hear from God how quickly He would answer me. Not always. But much of the time. Why do I not use such a valuable tool in my daily life in one of the most important jobs I have ever had?! Raising kids! If I would simply take a second and quickly ask God how to handle a situation when it arises with my kids or my husband, how much better would the outcome be? It doesn't take long really, although it may take me a little time to get back into practice. All I can think about right now is how invaluable that information or gentle nudge from God would be. I could protect my children's little hearts so much if I had better direction on how to discipline them and guide them. Sometimes I feel so lost or I really know that I blew it in a situation, (probably my whole apartment building knows and shakes their head about how I could have handled that much better!) But I have the Holy Spirit saying, 'Do not stifle me!'. And I stifle away. We even had a mom's meeting where the speaker talked about this some. How much God can help guide us as we raise our kids if we just ASK him too! Lord I'm asking!! I'm ready for guidance. I'm ready. At least I am tonight. When they are sleeping and so peaceful! Haha. I have so much to be thankful for. Especially coming home tonight to see my husband had cleaned. This pregnant lady almost cried. From grumpy to weepy in a second. So cliche. Grateful for him and for my energetic kids who went to bed with no problem tonight. Counting my blessings!
These are just my thoughts. Things I need to be mindful of, and work on continuously. I want to be tender again to the Holy Spirit and His guidance. Being a mom doesn't change my ability to hear from Him.
And I need to tenderly care for these little hearts that God has entrusted me with. Sometimes the ones closest to you can hurt you the most and I don't want that to be me with my kids. I want to nurture them and to protect them. The best way for me to do that is to let God work on MY heart and let his love overflow onto my family. Instead of my pregnancy hormones that mostly seem to generate overflowing grumpiness. I chose love.

Alert and Thankful

I was doing my Bible reading one night a few nights ago in Colossians. There was one particular verse that really stood out to me. Paul says to the church in Colosse   To "Devote themselves to prayer with ALERT minds and THANKFUL hearts". (Chapter 4 verse 2, emphasis my own). It made me think about why he had to say that. I pray often through the day. I could do better, you always can but I feel I often try to have a running dialogue with God. So why did this verse pop out at me so much? 

It struck me that as a woman, we are good multitaskers. I for one, often feel the need to be doing one thing while I am doing another. Like I am eating a late night snack as I write this! Hehe. So I am often doing something else or, like when I pray for the kids at night I am sometimes even thinking of something else, while I pray. Trying to do more than one thing at once. How can I feel God giving me the words to pray or even hear an answer from Him if I am not actually listening or paying attention!? Also I often hear people pray or I often start praying when I am upset, frustrated, stressed, or worried. Etc. But God has done so much for us, why would we not praise Him? So not to just speak to him with problems but to also come to Him when we are thankful, and to remember to thank Him when He answers prayers or provides for us. Paul knew the importance of setting apart times where you are just focusing on prayer, and talking to God. Why would he say to be alert? What are we being alert to? God! He is the one we are having a conversation with so we should be alert to His gentle prompting. He can be very subtle and you can often miss what He is saying completely if you are paying no attention. A conversation should be both ways. 

Anyway I obviously was very convicted by this! I have so many areas I need to work on and this is one of them. I just hope this can inspire someone else too. Because God loves to speak to His children.