God Is Getting Us Through

Saturday of last week started 'shooting week' for Nathaniel's school. Kaleigh asked if they would be shooting nerf guns. Hahahahaha! Each person had to write a script (that went through multiple drafts), find the props, pick out actors, plan shots, figure out transportation and location logistics in order to create their first 5 minute short film. It is amazing how much work goes into just 5 minutes. They have all been stressing and wanting to get every detail exactly right. Send in a script, only to have it sent back saying it needed something else, ask for a location and then be turned down and so on, it was a long process of trying to get everything ready.
The group was divided into smaller groups of four and in those groups they would shoot each other's films. The one who wrote the film is of course the director and they are split into there rolls that I can't remember all of the names of. (Sound man, Camera man and.... the other person!! Assistant Director I believe? Those are not the technical names).
Here are some photos of Nathaniel on set during this school:

We got the privilege of being on set for one of the films. Originally Gideon and I were going to be in a scene (I did not sign up for acting school!!!), but because it was so close to nap time, Gideon wasn't cooperating and we were able to talk Kaleigh into doing it. The way the location worked out, they didn't need me in it after all. Phew!
At first Kaleigh was very shy but she ended up really enjoying it. She said, "Mommy I'm a movie star! Oh wait, It's time for action, I have to go!".
Silly girl. Of course I forgot to pull out my camera while on set *face palm*. But she did great.
I will say I gained a much larger respect for people who work in that industry. The scene they were shooting probably would only be a couple of minutes in the whole film but it took about six and a half hours to shoot it. No wonder it takes them so long to make feature films! I'm sure people who have had more experience do it a little faster but there are so many variables when shooting that change things as you go. The neighbor dogs barking, waiting for the rain to stop, the clouds going over the sun and then clearing up again. It all changes how you shoot. Also kids are not always the easiest to work with even if they are my kids. Especially if they are my kids??  Anyway, it was good to see what they do and get a feel for everything.
It has been an emotional week. Nathaniel working so hard (they are pulling some all nighters and he has not been feeling very good) because he wants to get everything just right and they have to do so much in so little time. Please be praying for him.
Also at the beginning of the week I found out that my Grandma was back in the hospital not doing well. She ended up having a second stroke (she had her first about two years ago) and this one affected her brain stem and they don't believe she will make it. She has been unresponsive for this whole week. My dad and all of his siblings went to be with her and she was transported to a good hospice facility close enough for my Grandpa to be only 5 minutes away when he is at home. This is a hard time for my family, it will be so hard to say good bye to my Grandma, she will be missed so much.
It is really hard for me to this far from family right now and knowing that all I can really do is pray. I know prayer is effective and so important but is hard to know I can't be there.
So again we appreciate your prayers, they mean a lot to us.

This picture is my Grandma with the kids last July. 

Psalm 34:18b (NIV)

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted...

Dirt, Mess, Chaos, and Freedom.

I was watching a live stream of  Susi Childers speak the other day. I think it was two days ago. She spoke on how our relationship with God changes through the different phases of our life. It was interesting to me because I hadn't thought of how much things changing and the different stages we were in, would affect how I relate to God.
So I thought I would throw this video in here in case you would like to see her speak, she is a great speaker and I appreciated what she shared.  (She doesn't start speaking until about 54 Minutes in! But there is some great worship in the beginning if you want to see it, or you can just skip ahead.)
Livestream Video of Susi Childers

But I was also thinking about how I had mentioned earlier how dirty kids show me that at the end of the day they have had a great time.
Exhibits A., B., and C.

 


Have you ever had a time where you just went all in and didn't care about the mess? And it was great? I remember a few different times in Panama back when we lived there. One was playing soccer right after it rained. It rains a lot in Panama. Now I'm not good at soccer, but it can be fun to run around and kick a ball at people. Just saying. Ha! Anyway, we went up to play and as we started playing the mud was caking onto our shoes and making it impossible to run. So we did away with the shoes. We just played and we were FULL of mud. It was fun! Another time was when it was raining (I'm telling you it rains a lot in Panama), and instead of moping around inside, I ran outside and played, and danced in the rain with some of the other girls from my DTS and a couple of our DTS staff ladies.
There is something so freeing and there is a sweet release when we just go ALL in and don't care about the mess along the way. The rain was a bit easier to clean up than the mud. But they were still times that I will never forget.
How often do we have to hold onto control and we try to keep the reins tightly in our hands and make sure we know which way everything is going to go? As if we could really control things? I do this so often. I see it in the way I'm watching my kids and I try to let my self relax more often and let them do those fun things that are going to make bath time more interesting and laundry a little harder. Because those are the times they will remember. I highly doubt they will remember having clean clothes at the end of the day. That would be an impossible goal anyway!
Following God can get messy sometimes. But it's a beautiful mess. Only God can make beauty out of chaos.

Genesis 1 King James Version (KJV)

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

Sounds like in the beginning it was a little chaotic!

I recently read this quote;
"Chaos in the beginning is something else—the first and crucial stage of creation, and just about every creation myth I’ve ever read, from the Bible to Greek myths to native folk tales, confirms this is so. Chaos precedes order." - Dale M. Kushner
So interesting. And it's true! Sometimes it seems like things have to be crazy for a while before order comes. I remember when our room would get really messy as a kid and my mom would come in and literally throw ALL of our stuff into a pile in the middle of the floor. Then we would throw away the stuff we didn't need and try to put all of the other stuff away before she thought we didn't need it anymore and decide to throw it away herself! Chaos became order. 
I want to learn to embrace these moments that at the time can feel so out of control, and so chaotic. Because God works through chaos. If God has called you into something, know that there will be moments of craziness! But if God has called you to it, the end result will be beautiful. He is an artist. You can see that in creation everywhere you go. Other artists spend so much time trying to capture the original art that is all around us. Because it is so unique. Each person and situation is unique. 
I will leave you with this song by Gungor. I love how songs can just allow God to speak to our hearts in a way that nothing else can. At least for me it can be that way. 
The song is Beautiful Things by Gungor and here are just some of the lyrics from the chorus, let them sink in;
'You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of the dust / You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of us'

Gungor - Beautiful Things - Youtube

What Really Matters

Well I almost didn't post today. (Meaning late Thursday night, I did edit this a little on Friday). To be honest... I almost didn't take a shower today! I have learned that if I let myself sit down and relax for a minute, it's really hard to get my butt back up again and do what needs to be done. My kids were clean and sleeping, and I almost joined them but decided I should be clean too.
Often for me, when I take a shower I am able to clear my head and do some thinking. I thought about the what the speaker they had tonight at the corporate base meeting, shared. I have heard Dan Baumann speak before and he has an amazing testimony to share and so much wisdom. I was excited to hear him speak again and I was able to catch snippets of what he said as I made sure my kids weren't running out to the road, or falling on the concrete as they enjoyed playing with their friends. He has written three books, and the one I read was called Imprisoned In Iran. He was a prisoner in an Iranian prison for 9 weeks. Here is a link to his website if you are interested in reading more about him and his experiences; http://www.danbaumann.com/.
He shared about Joy and being joyful in all circumstances no matter what you were going through. To be straightforward I realized how petulant and childish I was being! And of course it's not like you can just decide to be joyful. It's not something that happens automatically. I remember my mom often telling me as a child, "You need to change your attitude!". It took me a LONG time to understand how that was even possible. Because in that moment when you FEEL one way it is so easy to let your emotions guide you, and just flow with it. Choosing to stop, use your head (I look at my life and see how amazingly BLESSED I am. Look at the people in Nepal! Pastor Saeed who has been imprisoned in Iran since September of 2012! There is always something to put life back into perspective.) And chose to Praise God anyway. Emotions change. But God never does.
One thing Dan Baumann talked about was God showing him that he was enough. He is not married and went through a time where He struggled with letting God be his everything. I related to this although you may not think so (since I married at 18), but because I went through this right in the beginning of marriage. Marriage doesn't complete you, your husband sure doesn't, Because there is only ONE who completes you. God had to pull me out of my emotions and expectations in the beginning and remind me that He is the one who created me, loves me more than anyone, and can fulfill my every need and there really is no one else who can. He reminds me again, and again, whenever I need it and will listen. Sometimes my ears are sealed shut, but not tonight.
I was reading in Philippians and these verses stood out to me: 1:10-11 'For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation - the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ - for this will bring much glory and praise to God."
What really matters? What God has done for us! I don't want you to think that God doesn't care about whatever is going on in your life right now. I know God knows our hearts desires, and that He hurts for us when we are hurting. He wants us to go to Him for everything and cast all of our cares onto him! But the beauty of it, is that even when we are going through a desert period, or through a storm or whatever is happening, we have someone to go to who can heal that pain and help you look to better things. There is so much joy in God. He wants to fulfill us in every way and help us through the pain and past it. I know He has so much more for me and I need to be actively pursing it. Pursuing Him. Honestly I sometimes get lazy. I often get lazy. I am working on it.
This has gotten really long. But I just want to leave you with this song because so often God brings it back to my mind when I am feeling tired, and frustrated and just need Him to wash over me.

"Desert Song"

[Verse 1:]
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

(Here is the link to the music video with lyrics)
The Desert Song - Hillson


Let Him wash over you and fill those empty places that have been aching for someone to fill. I hope I can bring myself out of my self pity more often and look to Him and allow Him to just wash over me. Because there is no one else and nothing else that can do that like He can. I'm sure I don't even know the half of it.

Sustaining

It's been a long week.
Oh wait, we are only half way through the week. Ha! Happy hump day! ;-)
Nathaniel has been very busy with his school, which was to be expected. We came knowing his days and often nights would be full with schoolwork and hands on practice. Knowing it and being prepared for it are two different things. There have been some nights Nathaniel is up until 1 or 2 am working on a script, a story line, essay, or shooting a short film. That is really late when he needs to be leaving to clean the class room and make the coffee for everyone before their first class/activity that starts at 8:00 a.m. (That is his work duty).
For us the morning pretty much starts at 6:20 a.m. If you knew us before, early mornings are not really our thing! They are now. When you don't have a stove, breakfast is a precious commodity and I make sure the kids and I get there every morning.
It has been long, yes, but one of these days I'll have to take a picture of the kids at the end of the day and you can see how dirty they get from playing. That means it was a good day right? When your kids are so dirty from playing that they look like they live on the streets?
These days I have been praying for energy, and today it happened!! I got an extra burst of energy! I cleaned the apartment, did the dishes, painted my toe nails, did the laundry and at a candy bar while reading a book! Those last two things were done while BOTH kids slept! Thank you Jesus! Ok maybe the candy bar eating and book reading didn't take much energy.
But I thought of the verse Isaiah 40:31. (NIV)

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Such a great promise! Now of course I thought of eagles and they are not always soaring. They also have to rest, eat, take care of their young. But when they fly?! They can fly to altitudes of 10,000 ft. They can stay flying for hours and fly at about 65 mph. They have been tracked and it has shown them flying anywhere from 50 - 125 miles in a day. (I found these facts at: http://www.fws.gov/refuges/whm/pdfs/tenfactsaboutbaldeagles.pdf and http://www.nationaleaglecenter.org/learn/faq/) That's amazing. Think of the power God is promising us? Of course my energy didn't last forever. But after the week I've had, it felt wonderful. I still had to come back, and rest. Take care of my littles. But I am thankful for what I was able to do during that time. Maybe it doesn't seem like a large accomplishment to you. But it was for me. I take all the small victories with gratefulness! 

Another passage I found today that I love is this: Psalm 3:3-5 (NIV)

3 But You, O Lord, are a shield for me,
My glory and the One who lifts up my head.
4 I cried to the Lord with my voice,
And He heard me from His holy hill. Selah

5 I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustained me.

Now David wrote this Psalm and he was in a pretty bad situation. He was fleeing for his life. I look at this and find so much comfort. David was in such danger but cried out to God, knew that He heard David, and then he fell asleep knowing God was watching over him amidst the danger. And then he woke up because the Lord was sustaining him.

Some of the definitions of word Sustain are: support, provide for, maintain, and encourage. 

When you trust in the Lord he sustains you. It's not magic, it doesn't make all things happy and better. But you are NOT alone. He will be your support, your encouragement, he will hold you up. If you let Him. 

Sustain me God!