And So I Will Dwell....

Almost a month has gone by since my last post, and so much has built up in my heart I don't really know where to begin...
This month I have been learning about dwelling places. Too much to get into details but there have been struggles this month and personally I have been struggling back and forth with things and taking on the impossible task of a wrestling match with God. My spirit feels a little bruised and tired but the outcome was not a body slam into the ground like you would maybe expect, but instead a sheltering, loving hug from my Heavenly Father. Isn't that just how it is wrestling with children? You roll around on the floor with them, they get their energy out and see how strong they can be and if they can overtake you, so you play along for a little while. When you decide it's been enough, more often than not that wrestling match turns into a hug.
I had to get that energy, frustration, and confusion out. Even though I knew I could never win, I still needed to wrestle and ask why. Instead of telling me why, God pulled me in closer to him and reminded me to praise. The song that WOULD NOT LEAVE MY HEAD?
"Your praise will, ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips, your praise will, ever be on my lips..."
Hint maybe? So I praise. I find things to be grateful for. Like songs that God puts in my head to remind me, or to minister to me. I'm grateful for my kids, for my husband, for God's provision. So that even when my heart is hurting over loss, and the tears run down my face, I don't have to stay there. My lesson this month has been not to dwell in the pain. To not stay there, because the longer I do, the harder it is to get out of it. It says in Psalm 91: 1-2
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust!"
Picking up my tent stakes and make my dwelling in His shelter. Such a secure camping spot. When the storm is raging all around me, I am safe.
If you ever get sick of my sharing songs... Sorry not sorry! Music is something I am so, so, thankful to have. The other day I heard a beautiful song on the radio called, Thy Will, by Hillary Scott. This song was written by Hillary after she experienced a miscarriage and this song shows that beautiful struggle so well. The back and forth of hurt and pain, but yet knowing God's truth and speaking it over the situation. I could feel the emotions in the song because even though I wasn't going through the same thing she was, the emotions were the same. So I am choosing to dwell in Him. Even when I don't understand everything, I will place my trust in the One who's ways are higher than my ways.

Thy Will, by Hillary Scott - Music Video

Thy Will

I’m so confused
I know I heard You loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of Your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know You’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know You think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all Your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that You’re God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know You see me
I know You hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness You have in store
I know You hear me
I know You see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness You have in store
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know You see me
I know You hear me, Lord
_____________________________________________________

The Lights, The Lights, The Lights...

Most of the time when I get ready to write a blog, I have some alone time with God (usually while doing dishes or going somewhere because I am a multi-tasker to a fault), and that inspires me to pour some of the overflow of my heart through my keyboard and onto... the internet? Yes. Onto this blog. Why? Because it helps me to process and remember things better. Also because many times I have read someone's blog and been inspired, moved, or motivated, just by their everyday life. So I pay it forward.
Also to help keep me inspired. I often have some dessert and a glass of milk next to me. I'll grab that in a sec. Sugar keeps me going. Haha.
So yesterday marked the nine year anniversary of when my husband and I got married. Many people go on a romantic date on their anniversary. We didn't. Instead we packed the kids up and drove 2 hours to the other side of the island and spent the day in Hilo! The free zoo there was fun and after lunch we went to a little place called Coconut Island. You walk over on a foot bridge and there is a very small island with areas to swim. Afterwords we walked around in a beautiful garden that had MANY mosquitoes. It was over all a very good day. My favorite part though was on the way back. The road that goes across the island is called Saddle Road and reaches an elevation of 6,600 feet. You go up, up, up... and then come back down. On this road is where  you can access the visitors center and the observatory on the dormant volcano; Mauna Kea. (The Tallest mountain in the world).
Let me paint the picture for you.
All three kids are asleep in the back seat, We see the last of the sun go down behind the mountains and it's light disappears. We are out in the middle of nowhere on this road that has no street lights, and we have Coldplay playing softly.
The stars were AMAZING. If we thought our little wind up car could have climbed the hill we would have gone to the observatory, but even from our car we could see the stars so well. Beautiful.
I could have looked at them forever. It just blows your mind to see the heavens and how amazing they are. Two feelings went through me. First I felt so small and insignificant, and He felt SO BIG.
How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? PSALM 8:1,3-4

Then I felt... so loved. Who am I that He is mindful of me? But He IS. Who am I that He would speak to me? But He DOES. Because of Him, I am significant. This meme that  you see popping up all over Facebook, just became so real for me. Sometimes we desperately need to go somewhere new and gain fresh perspective on life. I had become so stuck in my little world that I lost sight of the big picture. I am so grateful for the beauty of creation that is always testifying to the greatness of it's Creator. 
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