Still Just a Child

As I get larger, and larger (I am informed by K that the baby is getting REALLY big!), I find I rely on my four year old daughter more than I did before. If I drop something, and it falls right by my feet that I can barely see anymore, I might call her over from across the room to pick it up for me. She will go get things for me, and help me with the dustpan so I don't have to bend over while sweeping. The other day she took it upon herself to fold a load of clean laundry! Of course it wasn't perfect, and daddy had to fold his own shirts because they were just too big! But I am beginning to wonder how I was pregnant and got along with out her here. We started a little piggy bank of sorts, for her to collect dimes and nickels for when she helps with chores that are a little bigger than the normal, picking up her toys or putting her clothes in the laundry. She informs us that when she collects enough, she will share them with us. SO sweet!
My daughter is a very determined girl, and eager to learn. When she got it in her head that she wanted to do the monkey bars, she practiced and practiced. There were tears, she fell a couple times, and she even got blisters on her little hands. But she did it! Now she can go there, and back, one bar to the next without a problem. Now her next thing is wanting to swim the width of a small pool. Why am I telling you this? Well for one, I'm so proud of her! But the other day I yelled at her for something, I don't even remember what it was, and after I did that was one of the few times I felt God stop me and speak to me. "She is still a child."
Oh man. I'm tearing up again. How could I have been so foolish?! She can be so independent, helpful, and smart, that somewhere along the way I started having these odd, adult like, expectations of her. K is only FOUR. THREE years ago she was just barely walking. This is me being honest here. I am not proud of this. It was like I was expecting her to act like an adult. Not all the time, but this is definitely something I need to work on. She is still a child..., the fact that God had to stop me like that shows me how crazy I was getting. Tonight before bedtime, I asked Nathaniel to give her a quick shower and he looked up and was like, "Can't she do that by herself by now?" So you see, I'm not the only one. She really seems mature beyond her years sometimes. Dude, she's four! Although to be honest, she needs very little supervision for that task now!
This morning I took time to cuddle with her. Walking home from church and the pool, we stopped for an ice cream at McDonalds and her stomach doesn't handle dairy very well. Our double stroller's wheels broke so we have been using the single one again. Which means she was walking home. She started crying about her tummy hurting. Now I'm just being honest, we have a big drama queen for a daughter. So sometimes it's a little hard to know when she is genuine, and when it is just an exaggeration. "She is still a child."
We carried her until her stomach was settled enough that she could walk.
Tonight I was puzzling over what I could from learn from this on a spiritual level. Obviously as a mom, I have a LOT to learn. But I wanted to know how I could apply this to my walk with God. What was He trying to tell me? These verses came to me:
Matthew 18:2-4 (NLT)
Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
The second part of that passage is also very convicting but I will stick with this part. Even after this came to my mind I was still a little confused. Then It came to me that the way I was treating K, was how I had come to treat myself when it comes to my relationship with God. Let's see if I can explain this. I had started telling myself that I needed to toughen up. Life can be hard, things are going to happen, and I just need to deal with stuff. Work harder, do more, (but it's never enough), be a better person... and that would be fine. But I was not even asking for help from God. As if I had taken on the crazy belief that I was old enough now that I should be able to just deal with these things with out always having to run to God. What a quick way to make yourself tired, and worn out.
We are God's children! As a parent I can for sure say that I always want K and G and Baby Bean #3 to be able to come to me, asking for advice, or needing emotional support, or whatever. I don't want that to stop when they are 'old enough'. There is no age limit for needing your parent. Maybe it might be something trivial, but I would still be so glad that they trusted me enough to come to me.
God wants that with us. Think back to when you were a child and would run to your parents first thing. You didn't feel silly, you just knew that being by your mom or dad would help somehow to make you feel better. Oh how I feel for those kids that don't know that kind of comfort. My heart aches for them... I want them all to know that they can have that comfort, in God. The same way I did as a child, I need to do now. God should be the FIRST one I run to when I am feeling overwhelmed, upset, mad, alone, or whatever. My Father God is always waiting with his arms wide open, ready to hold me and give me peace. I need to stop trying to be so 'grown up' and learn that it will be lot lighter of a load to carry if I allow God to carry it.
Just observing these little people that God has trusted me to take care of, I am learning so much about him and his character. We need to never stop learning and seeking the truth. The same as K asks me almost every day to do school with her, (even weekends!), I need to be seeking God out on a daily basis ready to learn something. It's easier to blog about than to actually put it into practice. But I'm a work in progress. :)

Folding Laundry