Mom's Night Out, Volcano, and A Date...

I feel like most of my posts end up being very reflective and maybe someone reading the posts may think I am a very serious person. Is that true? I usually end up throwing a joke or two in there because that's actually what I usually do. My days do not always consist of me sitting and being introspective, and praying about how I should let God fix me (Although I should probably pray more about that!). The majority of my days are spent like many other stay at home moms. Feeding children, cleaning, playdates, homeschool, feeding children, cleaning, going to the park, browsing facebook, cooking, wondering why my house is still dirty even when I wrote cleaning two times... As a mom and as a YWAM'er I have learned to be very flexible. A friend texts me at 8:30am and asks if we want to go the park and I reply, 'Sure, let me get out of my PJ's and we will be right there!'
Friday night I went to a Ladies night at our church with some friends (without kids!) and had so much fun. They had a cupcake war (making them, not throwing them), provided dinner, and also one of the ladies shared her beautiful testimony.
Then Saturday morning we woke up and remembered the national parks were free that day! So as quickly as a family of five can, we threw on our clothes, grabbed a bag of a variety of snacks to throw at the children during the 2 hour drive, and headed to Volcano National Park. It was really fun to just do something random as a family and even though we didn't have a lot of time there (Because later that night Nathaniel and I went on a date. TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW with a break from kids! Epic!!) we had a great time doing some exploring. Nathaniel got to tell us all sorts of fun things about the volcano and the plants now that he is a bonafide tour guide. It was day time so we weren't able to see the lava glowing but it was all so new and fun to see. We drove home going around the south side of the island where I've never been before. On the way out to the park, every hill Gideon saw, he thought it was a volcano and some were either 'sleeping' or about to 'plode'. It was so cute and funny! For about the first 20 minutes anyway.
This weekend was relaxing. Last week we started Homeschool and it has been good but it will take a little time to find our rhythm. It was just what I needed, to be able to get out and do something new. I like routine but I also get to the point where it almost makes me feel claustrophobic and I need to get out and do something different! I have never really been a homebody, I like to be out and doing something. So this weekend it was like God was refreshing me. It was so needed and I am so grateful. Sometimes you just need to be a little spontaneous! Or at least I do.

The kids discussing the crater and how big their owies would be if the fell in.

Going through the Thurston Lava Tube

In front of the crater of the live volcano

Scattered Pieces of My Heart

About five and a half years ago, I hit a pretty low spot. We had been in missions for about 3 1/2 years and the constant emotional ups and downs were draining me. For two of those years we had been trying to start a family and that was really draining me as well. I remember so well as we prayed about what to do next, and God opened the doors to go back to Wisconsin, that I was almost too afraid to believe it was true.
God knew my heart needed to go home. Shortly after we made the decision that we would be going back, we found out we were expecting Kaleigh. I was so excited, I almost was afraid to believe that was real as well! I probably took five tests just to makes sure.
It was the start of God healing my heart. Because I love people. I love getting to know them, hearing their stories... We made so many friends during our time in Panama. But we also had to say goodbye so many times. I had NEVER experienced this before. My husband grew up this way but for me it was so foreign. Getting close to people and then having them move to another country 6 months later, it felt like my heart was constantly being sent in different places. Or when I would travel, meet people, and then have to leave. No matter which way it happened, it was hard.
I got tired of it to be honest. I remember one girl coming on to staff for a little while and we were both kind of in the same place where it felt like our hearts were too tender from all of the goodbyes that we had both decided separately not to befriend each other. Dumb plan didn't work. I love her anyway! And I haven't seen her since Panama.
By the time we moved back to Wisconsin I had little by little hardened my heart. In my head I rationalized it...I have enough friends, I can be friendly but not put my self  out there, not everyone needs to be close to me.
I sat there in church one day during a weekly Bible study all tense in my chair, just hanging on to Kaleigh in my belly and trying so hard not to let my wall that I had built around my heart, come down. The only way I could hold it up and keep myself 'safe' was not to listen when God spoke because I know I'm not called to be isolated. But God was after me that night. He wasn't going to let me get away with it anymore, I had turned a deaf ear long enough. Through the weeks of the Bible study He had slowly been loosening my grip and that night as I closed my eyes and asked him to show me something, He gave me a picture of a bird cage. There was a bird sitting inside of it but the door was open.
I was that bird. That was my cage. The cage felt really safe, but God was showing me that the door was open. And instead of being free I was choosing to sit there and not fly! Why did God give birds wings? To FLY! And yet I was choosing a life of captivity. He wanted me to be free.
You would think after that, since it was pretty clear, that I would have just surrendered. But instead, God in all His mercy, gave me time. Brick by brick he pulled down that wall and did a work on my heart in the process. Giving me the strength to open my heart again and step out of that cage.
It's so much better out here guys. I meet new people all the time. I have so many friends from all over and I just love each one of them. I have my core friends back home that will always be my nearest and dearest. I don't know what I would do with out them.
But God can teach me so much through each new person I meet. I can relate to each person in a different way. Or always have the 'mom connection' when I see other mothers. How can we touch anyone's life if we don't invite them into ours? It may be messy, and sometimes my kids are naughty, and I'm FAR from perfect, but you are welcome to join us. I use to think hospitality was having an elaborate meal planned and the house spotless, but I'm learning more that it is welcoming people into your home whether it inconveniences you or not, and whether you were ready, or not! Helping them to feel comfortable. And if I could get my act together I'd try to at least always have snacks around! Even if my floor needs to be vacuumed.
Goodbyes are still hard. and it sucks. But I learn to keep my eyes on Him during these times. The healing process has gotten a lot faster now that I know how to turn it over to God.
I'm not really sure why I felt I should share this? Maybe to encourage someone? But most of all I just wanted to show how God can help you out of those desert times. That relationships with people can be hard but it is so worth it, and my life is richer because of the multitude of people that are in it.

John 8:36

'So if the son sets you free, You will be free indeed.'

Making this House a Home

"Mommy, where is my home?"

A while back, while visiting a friend, Kaleigh asked them, "Is this your home?"

"Yes it is!" My friend replied. "Where is your home?"

My daughter's eyes glossed over with confusion, and she looked at me. "Mommy, where is my home?"

My heart hurt a little to hear her ask this. I know it's confusing. We have moved every six months for the past two years. 

"Home is wherever your family is. So right now, our home is with your Grandma and Grandpa Wells!" She seemed satisfied with this answer and went on to play with her little friends. 

Home is where your family is. Wherever God has called you to be. But part of my job as mom and wife is to make wherever we are, feel like home. I have little roll up beds for the kids that my friend from church made, we take those everywhere so they have the same bed anywhere we are. Certain toys we bring with, to help it feel more like home. It's the little things. 

I should have taken a before picture of our apartment, with our suitcases and things in piles and disarray . But that would have truly been embarrassing. Instead I took pictures four days later after I finally got all the suitcases unpacked and things tidied up. Ha! That only took me forever! By now the jet lag is starting to wear off and Gideon actually slept through the night. (Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!). We have had one staff meeting in preparation for the school beginning this week. Wednesday Nathaniel will go to look at a van, and we are settling in. This studio apartment with a loft is beginning to feel like home and it's wonderful. Who knows how long we will be here since we are keeping our eye open for places to rent off campus, just in case. But for now, we are happy and content, and ready to make the trek down the hill to the beach. Alinah's first time! 

For a girl who lived in the same home with her family for about 10 years, it was an adjustment to move around so much. We adapt and change and I'm learning how to do this quickly and in every circumstance. 

Here is quick tour of our apartment :). 

My reminder to myself after a long four days of being jet-legged and much to short with my poor family!!