"If Only You Could See Them Through My Eyes..."

It is Mother's Day weekend. Hence the onslaught of posts by mothers, to mothers, and about mothers. Why you ask? Because this is an important day. This day brings so many emotions. I run through them all.
Heart Bursting Love.... for my kids, and for my mom.
Guilt... for not being a better mom, or daughter, or granddaughter.
Excitement... thinking ahead to what will come as my kids get older.
Fear... thinking ahead to what will come as my kids get older! Haha. But for real though.
Amazement.... at the little blessings God entrusted to me.
Grief... when I think of the my grandmothers who are both gone, and those who's moms are no longer with them.

All these emotions, I need to process. I always find myself contemplating deeply around Mother's Day. I often find that guilt rides quickly on the heels of the crazy love I feel for my kids and reminds me of ALL my shortcomings as a mother, It starts listing all of my "mom fails". And that could go on forever because after just one week that list is quite lengthy.
I saw a giveaway on instagram and to enter you had to answer the question: What do you want to do on Mother's Day?
So I paused and thought about it. My first thought was, to be alone. No one touching me, asking me questions.... But then I thought, no. That would be nice for like an hour. Maybe two. But what I really want is to go somewhere that the kids love to be. Where they will be happy and I can sit there and watch them be happy and just soak in that Heart bursting love for them and let it refresh my spirit. Because that comes from God. I believe that's how He feels about us. The guilt will have to stay silent,because if I tell him to, the Devil has to FLEE from me in Jesus' name.
My conscience, that still small voice that comes from the Holy Spirit is a good thing. It helps me to see my faults, but in a gentle and loving way that brings correction.
Guilt, beats you over the head with a hammer relentlessly until you feel like nothing about you is good enough. That my friends, is not healthy, and is not from God. Please know the difference. I am speaking this to myself as well.
I was praying this morning. Because I needed to, since the the Holy Spirit had to get a little less gentle with me today until I listened. I asked God, "Why do I get SO frustrated with my kids so easily?!"
"If only you could see them through My eyes..."
Ahhh, I saw those words scroll through my brain. Yes. I allow my tiredness, my headache, my dirty house, my SELF, to fog the lenses through which I see my children. Oh that cleared my vision so quickly.
Kaleigh - Eager to please, serving, smart, beautiful, strong moral compass, creative, perseverent,  expressive, sensetive, made for something great....
Gideon - Strong, perfectionist, goofy, loving, adventurous, thoughtful, compassionate, protector, led by God
Alinah - Peaceful, joyful, observant, leader, light of life, listener of God's voice

When I see them through His eyes, my perspective can change. Prayer, and quiet time will be my windshield wipers to clear off the junk that I let get in the way of how I see them. It will help me to know how to build their strengths and to love them the way God loves them.
This is my plan. Will I fail? Yeah probably. But the beauty of this is that God knows my heart and is quick to forgive and to help.
So this Mother's day, I encourage you to see your kids as God sees them. Ask Him to tell you about your kids and their hearts. Write it down. Let that LOVE that He gave you for your children that makes your heart feel like its going to explode, and makes you feel like laughing and crying all at the same time, refresh you and give you that motivation to keep going! You are important, you are needed, and you are so loved.
Happy Mother's Day <3

Dirt, Mess, Chaos, and Freedom.

I was watching a live stream of  Susi Childers speak the other day. I think it was two days ago. She spoke on how our relationship with God changes through the different phases of our life. It was interesting to me because I hadn't thought of how much things changing and the different stages we were in, would affect how I relate to God.
So I thought I would throw this video in here in case you would like to see her speak, she is a great speaker and I appreciated what she shared.  (She doesn't start speaking until about 54 Minutes in! But there is some great worship in the beginning if you want to see it, or you can just skip ahead.)
Livestream Video of Susi Childers

But I was also thinking about how I had mentioned earlier how dirty kids show me that at the end of the day they have had a great time.
Exhibits A., B., and C.

 


Have you ever had a time where you just went all in and didn't care about the mess? And it was great? I remember a few different times in Panama back when we lived there. One was playing soccer right after it rained. It rains a lot in Panama. Now I'm not good at soccer, but it can be fun to run around and kick a ball at people. Just saying. Ha! Anyway, we went up to play and as we started playing the mud was caking onto our shoes and making it impossible to run. So we did away with the shoes. We just played and we were FULL of mud. It was fun! Another time was when it was raining (I'm telling you it rains a lot in Panama), and instead of moping around inside, I ran outside and played, and danced in the rain with some of the other girls from my DTS and a couple of our DTS staff ladies.
There is something so freeing and there is a sweet release when we just go ALL in and don't care about the mess along the way. The rain was a bit easier to clean up than the mud. But they were still times that I will never forget.
How often do we have to hold onto control and we try to keep the reins tightly in our hands and make sure we know which way everything is going to go? As if we could really control things? I do this so often. I see it in the way I'm watching my kids and I try to let my self relax more often and let them do those fun things that are going to make bath time more interesting and laundry a little harder. Because those are the times they will remember. I highly doubt they will remember having clean clothes at the end of the day. That would be an impossible goal anyway!
Following God can get messy sometimes. But it's a beautiful mess. Only God can make beauty out of chaos.

Genesis 1 King James Version (KJV)

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

Sounds like in the beginning it was a little chaotic!

I recently read this quote;
"Chaos in the beginning is something else—the first and crucial stage of creation, and just about every creation myth I’ve ever read, from the Bible to Greek myths to native folk tales, confirms this is so. Chaos precedes order." - Dale M. Kushner
So interesting. And it's true! Sometimes it seems like things have to be crazy for a while before order comes. I remember when our room would get really messy as a kid and my mom would come in and literally throw ALL of our stuff into a pile in the middle of the floor. Then we would throw away the stuff we didn't need and try to put all of the other stuff away before she thought we didn't need it anymore and decide to throw it away herself! Chaos became order. 
I want to learn to embrace these moments that at the time can feel so out of control, and so chaotic. Because God works through chaos. If God has called you into something, know that there will be moments of craziness! But if God has called you to it, the end result will be beautiful. He is an artist. You can see that in creation everywhere you go. Other artists spend so much time trying to capture the original art that is all around us. Because it is so unique. Each person and situation is unique. 
I will leave you with this song by Gungor. I love how songs can just allow God to speak to our hearts in a way that nothing else can. At least for me it can be that way. 
The song is Beautiful Things by Gungor and here are just some of the lyrics from the chorus, let them sink in;
'You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of the dust / You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of us'

Gungor - Beautiful Things - Youtube