Nothing's gonna hold me back...

So in a previous post I remember mentioning how exhausted I was. Well I was, but this is a whole new level. At the end of April K started having a bad cough. It's something that's going around and also a health issue I believe I need to figure out with her (a food intolerance of some sort that pulls her immune system down so much that every time she gets sick it turns into this nasty cough that lasts for weeks). So sleep started getting interrupted on a regular bases by her coughing fits. I have taken her in two different times to the doctor and each time they could find nothing wrong with her and thought I was a little crazy. Sigh. Such is my life. Then, just as she was finally showing improvement at the end of May G started coughing. No!! Also I got the news about my Grandma. G's cough turned bad quickly and I took him in knowing this was different than K's. He couldn't breath during coughing fits and ended up puking one time. It was so scary. Then he was diagnosed with whooping cough. 

Oh.... The guilt. I had prayed and read about vaccines and which ones to do if I should do them before we moved, and that was one of the vaccines I had felt I should get them up to date on. And a few others. Living in community is a whole different ball game and I had felt I should get them up to do date on some things. Well I got pregnant and was so morning sick, I put it off and figured I'd do it in Hawaii. Then its so hard to get around here and insurance took so long to get together that I put it off again. All lame excuses. But that's how it went down. My poor baby. And of course we were quarantined to our room while the antibiotic ran its course so he would no longer be contagious. (K didn't have it). During this time my Grandma passed away. 

To put it lightly, I have a bucket of tears ready at each eye for whoever asks me how I'm doing. Bring a towel if you plan on asking me so you can clean up the mess please. Being pregnant, tired, and sad puts all your emotions out there like nothing else. 

At the same time, God always brings hope and healing. During worship two weeks ago they played a song and the chorus says;

'Nothing's gonna hold me back, Nothing's gonna keep me, from loving you for all you are worth'. 

I know in the song this is meant to be us singing this to God. And yes!! That's how it should be. NOTHING should hold me back, because I was made to love Him and He deserves my love through all situations. Also my kids, that nothing should hold me back from loving them because this is a precious time and I need to use it wisely. 

But that day when I was singing that song, we sang the chorus quite a few times. And I felt God switching it around. I felt HIM saying that to ME. 

Guys I almost broke down there in front of everybody. Bring out the towels. 

'Nothing's gonna hold me back, Nothing's gonna keep me, from loving you for all you are worth'. 

NOTHING. 

Not me not doing me quiet time, not me ignoring his prompting and procrastinating. Not me losing my patience with my kids because my fuse is ridiculously short right now... The list goes on. 

NOTHING. 

And that grace is what pulls you back in. Back to putting it all in his arms again and letting him take control. Asking for forgiveness and starting fresh. 

His mercies are new every morning. Thank you God. 

G is improving greatly although he still has coughing fits so please keep him in your prayers. K as well because that never ending cough is still present. Right now My husband's parents are here while his dad works on finishing up his Executive Masters program through University of the Nations. It is so good to have them here! N's pitch for a movie won along with two others (out of 12) for one of the final projects. So proud of him! Of course now he is working like a mad man to get that finished since he is the Director. So also pray for sleep and energy for him!

Thank you for listening to my blubbering. Here is a cute picture to bring a smile to your faces. (K and G ready to go see Grandma and Grandpa Tracy)